What do you do when the love of your life breaks up with you?
You've been with your best friend for a while now and you know this is your human. They are the one you call just to say "I opened a wine bottle for my first time without your help", "I made it home safe", or "I finished that V4 project climb I have been struggling with."
This is the human who you trust, love and feel safe with. A relationship where you both inspire each other to be a better version of yourself everyday. You challenge each other and lift one another equally. You can't imagine this person not being in your life. What do you do when that human decides you're not their human.
You can go many directions with this....First I drank wine in the shower every night, lost 12lbs, bought myself sunflowers every week ( Sometimes two or three times a week:, cried and cried and cried. I joined every fitness movement I've always wanted to try...boxing? check, Pyrolates? check, FireBarre? check, Spinning? check, Yoga? check, Pilates? check. I climbed my first multi lead multi pitch at Smith rock. Then I quit my job and bought a plane ticket to Nashville. Planned a 17 day road trip with a girlfriend and took off. I signed up for school to follow my passion of being a Naturopathic Doctor. I advanced in my climbing, I finally moved out of my grandparents house. (I did all of this within three months of our break up) I did every single thing I always wanted to do when we were together but didn't have the drive to do it. He was my number one fan, always saying "Kayla, why don't you go do these things you talk about?" He always challenged me on my passions and fired me up to look at my life with new perspective. He was always teaching me something new everyday. After we broke up I finally took off to do all the things I wanted to do.
The best thing I ever did was take a vow to myself to love myself every single day. He loved all the things I didn't love about myself so now I need to learn to love those things. I bought myself a self love ring and put it on my wedding finger as a reminder. When you go through break ups the best thing you can do is give yourself time to heal. Truly TIME and PATIENCE are the only things that can heal an aching heart. Not a broken heart but an aching. You are not "broken" Maybe a little cracked open but never broken.
I didn't think I would ever get over this person, my human, my soul mate. Honestly, It has been seventeen months and I am finally at the place in my life where I don't need that human. The love though, that never went away because I believe if you truly love someone than that will always be there. My favorite quote I live by is,"I am mine before I am anyone else's." This means no one ever owns you and truly you are never anyone else's before you are yours. Learn to fall in love with yourself first and than no one can bring you to rock bottom.
Take your break up as a clean slate for you to push yourself and go do anything you have ever wanted to do. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" Then go fulfill that need. You deserve it and nope it's not selfish. Remember it's okay to not be okay. Cry when you need to, scream when you need to, sing when your favorite song comes on, dance everywhere. My favorite place to dance is under the street lights where I live to "Dancing on my own" by Robyn. In fact go listen to that right this moment.
My point of telling you this is I feel your pain. I know it hurts, trust me I know. What I also know is that no matter what you are going to be okay. When I was going through my break up I said to myself one day I hope I understand why this happened but right now I'm hurting and I'm not okay with this. Now I realize I wouldn't be the woman I am today without this heartache. When we broke up I told him " I will take this pain over and over again if I can relive our love story." Even in the midst of hurting all I wanted was for him to be happy and that's real love.
Please take time for yourself right now. Listen to your body and go follow anything and everything that brings you joy. Surround yourself with good people who have intentions of lifting you up and not bringing you down. Eat ice cream when you feel like it. Go explore nature and move your body. Movement and nature were my number one healers. You will be okay and this too shall pass. Fall in love with you and learn things you didn't know about yourself.